Taboo Topics | Depression

Brought to you by Allegra at Hints of Joy...

Over the summer, I hit a rough patch. I felt really down, and the lower I felt, the less I did to try to help myself.

It wasn’t like I just woke up one day and realized I was down. It was slower, more like a slow descent into sadness and anxiety.

Slowly, I started skipping exercise, yoga practice, and vitamins. I started eating more junk food, and having a lot less fun.

Inside, I felt terrible, but on the outside I was going to work, being productive, and interacting with people everyday.

I was depressed.

Thankfully, I had the resources to reach out and talk about how I was feeling. I was also able to start taking small steps and started feeling better. 

I was really lucky – my depression passed by itself.

But that’s not always the case. 

The truth is that depression exists on a spectrum, ranging from feeling down to being clinically depressed to the point of needing help from a psychiatrist and potentially medication. 

The other truth is that being down, feeling low, or having clinical depression isn’t outwardly visible like breaking a bone is.

You can’t necessarily look at someone and see that they have depression, and if you’re experiencing depression, others can’t see how you’re feeling.

What’s more, it isn’t often considered acceptable or safe to talk about what’s happening.  

It’s a tough scene – feeling down and having society tell you to “shake it off,” or “keep a stiff upper lip.”

You can’t just snap out of it, and you shouldn’t be pressured to.

It isn’t as simple as just changing how you feel. 

Whether it’s a chemical imbalance in your brain, or something else that you believe, changing your emotional experience in a split second isn’t realistic.

So what can you do?

1. Acknowledge what you’re experiencing. You are a person. You have emotions and an internal life, and it’s important to recognize your experience. 
2. Take small steps – if you’re feeling up to it, go for a walk, take your vitamins (if you had before), take time for self care.
3. Reach out to friends and family. Or just one friend. Say hi. If you feel comfortable, talk about how you’re feeling. Often, people want to be there for you.
4. If you aren’t feeling better, or feel like you’re feeling more down, reach out to a mental health professional. There are people out there who can help. Remember that you don’t have to pick the first counselor or doctor you meet with. Find someone with whom you feel comfortable. Try www.psychologytoday.com for lists of mental health professionals in your area.

There is nothing shameful about depression.  It is not because you are weak, or confused, or whatever the world tells us about mental health. There are so many negative perceptions of depression, and sometimes it seems as though people are angry or scared to even talk about depression. But we should talk about it. It’s important to recognize and acknowledge not only our own experience and the experiences of those we love, but of those in the world. 

Things are never permanent. They come and go. If you’re feeling down, it can pass. If it doesn’t, though, remember that you have the power. Remember that you can make the choice to seek help. You know yourself better than anyone else.

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Taboo Topics | Grief

Today I'm really excited about the guest post I have lined up for you! Once a month Allegra will be sharing her insight on Taboo Topics. This month she is talking about grief. Allegra is a soon to be former 9-5’er with a passion for kindness and joy. She writes a blog at hintsofjoy.co, is a certified Reiki practitioner, and is currently in both a 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training program and a life coaching program called Coaching for Transformation.  When she’s not taking steps to change her life, you can find her practicing yoga, eating chocolate, and begging her boyfriend for a dog.

Grief is something rarely talked about, but often felt. You can grieve a variety of things – the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, a pet. The list can on and on.

We all experience some type of loss at some point in our lives, and we all experience grief, but we rarely have opportunities to talk about and express that grief in a safe space.

We’re told to push through it, or to not make a scene, (what does that even mean?), or that there’s some kind of unspoken-yet-predetermined amount of time that’s appropriate, and if we experience grief after that allotted time then we’re weak, or selfish, or dramatic.

But that isn’t true.

These time frames and expectations of how we grieve come from social and cultural norms, but that doesn’t mean they’re doing us good.

Grief, like any other strong emotion, needs to be processed. When we try to push those emotions away, or are told by others that we shouldn’t have these emotions, it adds to, instead of alleviating the pain.

So what can we do to process our pain, while still maintaining our day-to-day lives?

1. Feel it. It’s okay to take some time alone, and experience your pain. Cry, scream into a pillow, look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself having your emotions. It’s can feel amazing to witness yourself releasing pain.
2. Reach out. Talk to an empathetic friend, or reach out to a counselor, therapist, reverend, rabbi, imam, guru… there are great professionals, both religious and secular, who have been trained to help process, accept, and work through grief. They want to help!
3. Cleanse. Take a shower, a bath, clean your house, burn incense, sage, or candles. Whatever helps you feel refreshed and clean. Cleansing helps mark a partial release of grief. 
4. Remember it’s a process. You aren’t going to cry once and then be totally fine. Things will come up – you’ll see something that reminds you of the person you lost. You’ll find out that a friend got a job at the place that fired you. You’ll be reminded, you’ll be blindsided, but you won’t be back where you started. Each time you process is another step toward feeling better in the long term.

Loss can be devastating.

Grief can be terrible.

But you are not alone. We’re all experiencing loss in some way, and we’re all at different points in our individual processes. To let yourself have a grief experience, and be kind and gentle with yourself, is the best step you can take.

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"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next." - Mignon McLaughlin