Taboo Topics | Grief

Today I'm really excited about the guest post I have lined up for you! Once a month Allegra will be sharing her insight on Taboo Topics. This month she is talking about grief. Allegra is a soon to be former 9-5’er with a passion for kindness and joy. She writes a blog at hintsofjoy.co, is a certified Reiki practitioner, and is currently in both a 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training program and a life coaching program called Coaching for Transformation.  When she’s not taking steps to change her life, you can find her practicing yoga, eating chocolate, and begging her boyfriend for a dog.

Grief is something rarely talked about, but often felt. You can grieve a variety of things – the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, a pet. The list can on and on.

We all experience some type of loss at some point in our lives, and we all experience grief, but we rarely have opportunities to talk about and express that grief in a safe space.

We’re told to push through it, or to not make a scene, (what does that even mean?), or that there’s some kind of unspoken-yet-predetermined amount of time that’s appropriate, and if we experience grief after that allotted time then we’re weak, or selfish, or dramatic.

But that isn’t true.

These time frames and expectations of how we grieve come from social and cultural norms, but that doesn’t mean they’re doing us good.

Grief, like any other strong emotion, needs to be processed. When we try to push those emotions away, or are told by others that we shouldn’t have these emotions, it adds to, instead of alleviating the pain.

So what can we do to process our pain, while still maintaining our day-to-day lives?

1. Feel it. It’s okay to take some time alone, and experience your pain. Cry, scream into a pillow, look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself having your emotions. It’s can feel amazing to witness yourself releasing pain.
2. Reach out. Talk to an empathetic friend, or reach out to a counselor, therapist, reverend, rabbi, imam, guru… there are great professionals, both religious and secular, who have been trained to help process, accept, and work through grief. They want to help!
3. Cleanse. Take a shower, a bath, clean your house, burn incense, sage, or candles. Whatever helps you feel refreshed and clean. Cleansing helps mark a partial release of grief. 
4. Remember it’s a process. You aren’t going to cry once and then be totally fine. Things will come up – you’ll see something that reminds you of the person you lost. You’ll find out that a friend got a job at the place that fired you. You’ll be reminded, you’ll be blindsided, but you won’t be back where you started. Each time you process is another step toward feeling better in the long term.

Loss can be devastating.

Grief can be terrible.

But you are not alone. We’re all experiencing loss in some way, and we’re all at different points in our individual processes. To let yourself have a grief experience, and be kind and gentle with yourself, is the best step you can take.

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"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next." - Mignon McLaughlin