Friendship

Friendship. Defined by the dictionary, friendship is the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends. But what does that mean, the state of being friends?

I was fortunate enough to have a best friend for almost 14 years of my life. She was the person who knew me better than myself, the person that knew my deepest secrets, the person I turned to for advice, the person that was there for me when no one else was, and the person that listened when I cried. I honestly could go on for ages, but to reference Grey’s Anatomy, she was my person. Growing up was made easier knowing that I always had her on my side.

Now just because we were best friends did not mean that we did not have our ups and downs. I can remember back to elementary school when there was a new girl in class and her and my best friend had a lot in common. At the age of probably 10 or 11, I became extremely jealous and stopped talking to my best friend because I thought she was going to replace me. I quickly got over it after my mom sat me down and told me that just because she had a new friend didn’t mean that I wasn’t her best friend anymore. There was enough room for everyone! Looking back on that, I honestly laugh because of how I thought I was going to lose my best friend.

High school came along and we were inseparable. She was no longer my best friend; she was my sister. The amount of memories I have with her is insane, but that should be expected since we were friends since kindergarten. I remember her first boyfriend. I remember the first time we went to a school dance. I remember the first time we learned to drive. I remember all of the surprise birthday parties. I remember the hour long conversations we would have about nothing. I remember our random dance parties. Again the list could go on.

Last week I was cleaning out my room and came across a box that was full of memories. Two things stuck out – a letter my best friend had written to me when we weren’t talking in high school and letters that she had written to me when I went away to summer camp. As I was looking through and reading these memories, I literally sat on my bedroom floor and cried.

My best friend is no longer my best friend. She is no longer my person. We are no longer in each other’s lives. 

College should be the time when you cement your friendships in stone. Heck we were even talking about our future lives and getting married to best friends and having kids that would one day become best friends. But for me and my best friend, college was our deal breaker. Our differences broke us apart and words that were spoken can never be taken back. We tried to fight for our friendship, but after over 14 years of calling her my best friend we both knew that our time had expired.

Friendship is a tricky thing. It can be the best thing when it is good and the worst thing when it is lost. There is not one second of my friendship with my best friend that I regret. Sometimes life has plans for you that you don’t expect, but it’s what you make of those plans that determine the outcome of your life.

I still think of my best friend quite a lot. It’s hard not to when she was a part of my life for so many years. Although I have new friendships that occupy my life and we are making new memories together, I will never have a best friend again. She was it for me, she was my person.

"Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you know they're always there."